Wednesday, March 11, 2009



Fucking bicycle assholes.

OK…lets get this clear, I am all for folks riding their bicycles.  Good exercise, wonderful means of transportation, we should all own one and use them to get around.  I love mine and admit that I don’t use it enough, though I plan on changing that this summer.

Nope, what I am talking about here is the bike nazi’s.  You probably have them where you live.  You know, the pack of 20-40 year old yuppie-somethings that dress up in ridiculous, tight, fluorescent clothing and ride through the streets as a gaggle, clogging up traffic and generally irritating those on the road with them.   As this is a weekly occurrence in my neighborhood, it is starting to get a bit stale in my mind.

They seem to be living out some strange sexual fantasy of being on the Tour de France.  I would wager that they spend many a night closeted in their bathroom with erotic pictures of Lance Armstrong and a big jar of lube.  They spend enough on their bikes to buy a small African country and preen constantly whenever a member of the opposite sex heaves into view. 

By riding in a huge group, they block traffic and keep people from passing them safely.  The thing that really pisses me off though is that they usually drive their bike rack infested SUV’s to a meeting spot, then go out for their orgy of traffic-impairing self-righteousness.

I have a lot of trouble restraining myself from running them down as sport.

Fucking bicycle assholes.


Anonymous said...

I love blowing by them in a Semi Truck going 60mph or so and watching them woble and almost bite it.. Still tryin

Publius said...

I agree on how annoying they are. When I bike, I actually obey the traffic rules.

Flip 'em off and curse at them, but please don't do anything that might kill or maim an annoying cyclist.

Think of these annoying bastards as being training for the future, when civility will be important for survival.

Preparedwarrior said...

Yep, I have had to follow behind a gaggle of about 60 of them; all of them in tight fitting, color coordinated clothing and helmets, and zillion dollar bikes.

Eeewww, have you ever noticed that they all have hairless legs? Yeah, I know it cuts down on wind drag. Ha, ha, look like a bunch of sissies tho.

They are obnoxious, rude, narcisstic (sp?)....well that was probably redundant. Whatever.

I even see one of them in bright spandex and pointed helmet, I am ready to immediately dislike that person, just on principle.

MeadowLark said...

You mean like this chick in the comments?

Where I live, if we want roads maintained, then we have to pay taxes, via the gas pump (for the time being anyway). So I wouldn’t mind doing the same for biking, as long as that high amount of tax guaranteed bikes ONLY lanes. No walking, skateboards, skaters, motorized bikes, and especially cars.

Like she'd put up with us saying "Um, it's CARS that pay for the roads, so you BIKERS stay off 'em"

Mockum said...

Whatever happened to "Love thy neighbor?"

Just slow down and pass them when it's safe. It usually only takes a few seconds.

vlad said...

I posted on 7-27-02. They banned me.
I guess they just have no ense of humour.
This morning at the Stop-N-Rob as I sat sipping coffee a group of bicyclists stopped. They were resplendent in Warp Five helmets and Spandex. I asked Adonis, the natural leader of the pack, if he had used airfree tires of polyurethane foam that have no air tube. He turned, somewhat surprised that I had dared to address him, saw that I am only an old peasant in denim, and deigned to reply. Noblesse oblige, you know. He, from the massif of the great knowledge with which he was born, declaimed with absolute certitude, " You don't want those. They are heavy. You want an air tube. They ride better." I told him that I have used them for eight months and find them satisfactory. He shook his lordly head in annoyance, and dismissed me by turning to address one of his splendid friends.

I am properly chastened.