Monday, August 9, 2010

Get Rid of the Damn Thing

This is a statement from a reactionary curmudgeon.

Get rid of your cell phones.  Look, the world will not stop if you are not instantly available.  What people don't realize is that being in instant touch with someone and being instantly available to everyone makes you little more than a slave.

I have a cell phone.  The damn thing stays turned off, battery out, in a ziploc in my man-purse.  If I need to get in touch with someone, I can reassemble it, make the call.  If I leave the damn thing on, everyone seems to want to spend my money jabbering about inconsequential shit.

Also, please remember that the folks who run these companies track your whereabouts.  Hell, apple even sends your whereabouts to other companies so that they can better sell you shit.  Piss on that noise.

The most pathetic sight in the world is a hen-pecked middle aged man, standing in the middle of a Safeway with a cell phone glued to his ear, getting firm directions from someone on what size bag of cheeze-doodles to buy.  The second most pathetic sight is a middle class uber-mom from the faux-burgs in her underwater SUV with the phone plastered to her ear delivering children (who, by the way, are capable of walking) to their sports rituals.  The third is the sad little teenager, texting away, with a blank look and sadly limited scope of social life revolving around a tiny screen with a $0.05 charge per message.

I am making a straight statement.  More than any other technology, the cell phone is a tool to make us willing servants.  We react to the things as masters.  We allow disembodied someones elsewhere to order us around and run our lives.  It atomizes our society.

Please, for the love of God, put them away.


Mahtomedi said...

Good luck with this campaign. You have a better chance of getting the pope to stop praying.

I got my first pager at work about 20 years ago and realized immediately that it was nothing but a chain and collar that people could yank me with whenever they wanted. But a cell phone is more tragic because it's self-inflicted.

Mayberry said...

I can think of all sorts of wonderful uses for cell phones! They make excellent clay pigeon substitutes. They're very good paper weights. Makes a great spacer for that wobbly table. When used between a hard surface and a sledge hammer, they're an amazingly effective stress reliever....

Never had one, don't want one.

Publius said...

I whole-heartedly agree.
I answer mine seldom. I treat it like a landline (which we don't have).
The hard part is getting one's wife to stay under the monthly limit.
Once I gave her unlimited texts, though, it was easier.
Women seem to have more of an innate need to communicate constantly.